1.26.2015

I Am Quite Confused

I was doing some looking around on Pinterest (a site I can get lost in for HOURS.  You?) and someone posted a picture of "a perfect fall bed."

People change their bedding by the season?  I mean...I can see buying some snowman sheets to use in December but an entire comforter/sham/bed skirt set for fall?  (a beautiful rusty color by the way)  My first thought was what are we coming to when even our beds have to get decked out for the season?

Maybe we're taking our comfort a bit too far?  Maybe we're too affluent for our own good?  I know my grandmothers would have both been shocked at not just the waste of money in buying different bedding for the seasons (they would have had two - a blanket they added, under the bedspread, to the bed in the winter and then removed in the summer) but a waste of space to store them all.

As we look at Pinterest and Facebook and Instagram and all sorts of social media, "keeping up with the Jones'" seems to be so far out of hand I'm not sure what would bring it back.

For instance...dishes.  I saw an advertisement today for four different sets of new dishes and could find a reason to use all of them.  (Believe me - I am not immune to this.  I love pretty, sparkly things, too.)  I actually started justifying to myself the cost of four sets and then I had to stop.  FOUR NEW sets of dishes???  Who do I think I am?  The White House?  Am I deciding the china patterns for the next three Presidents (I'll keep one for myself...)?

Am I the only one who feels like my priorities might be a bit out of whack?  I can't speak for anyone else but I know I, for one, need to skip the material stuff for a while.  There is certainly more "stuff" in my possession than my house can hold (I've started to bring some of it to my office in the guise of making it more "homey") and it's time to simplify.  Simplify.  Perhaps I'll start posting more as I figure out just what that looks like...

8.18.2014

A Mountain to Climb

Two Sundays in a row.

TWO whole Sundays in a row.

Aaron and I loaded up the dog and headed into the woods.  Last weekend we drove the hour plus to Anacortes and took in the absolutely stunning beauty of Washington Park.  My back was still bothering me quite a bit so my walk wasn't anywhere near as "hike" like as Aaron and Bandit's but we went.

Puget Sound from Bandit's viewpoint
I'm hoping to turn this into a regular habit.  I want to - as many Sundays as possible - walk.  Just walk.  I don't want to do any kind of major climbing yet.  I have a lot of "shape" to get into first.  It's also better for Bandit.  Have you ever owned a high energy dog and then watched him droop and get bored because his people couldn't offer him enough exercise?  We can - we just stopped when I hurt my back.  Yesterday I watched him LOVE every minute of the hour we spent hiking around Evans Creek Preserve and that place?  A new favorite.  It's about a half hour drive but it's mostly freeway driving and when you turn off the major roadway, it's a 1 minute ride to the Preserve's parking lot.  Then?  Acres and acres of beauty and pristine trails.  We went with no set plan, we just walked a loop.  Came to a cross-trail and decided - left or right.  Came to a fork, decided left or right and just went.  Now we know we have miles and miles of walks all in one place, just by turning left instead of right and vice versa.  I can't wait to explore it further!

Excuse A's finger in the picture.  Bandit didn't want to keep still for these.

Can you see why I need to walk?

A will not be thrilled with me but...I posted one of me so...

One of the things I love about Washington State is the mind-boggling beauty that is here.  You can't throw a rock without hitting something of magnificence, usually.  And now I'm ready to get out and see it from a perspective other than the driver's seat of my car.

Here's to getting out and walking!

8.14.2014

Jumbled Thoughts

I'm not spending enough time alone with God.  You know how I know?  I rush to judgment.  I speak in certainties - I don't ask questions.  I assume.  I form opinions based on very little.
 
And that is a horrible, horrible way to be.  It is also not at all the way God wants us to think.  Actually, He considers it foolish...
 
A fool does not delight in understanding,
     But only in revealing his own mind.  (Proverbs 18:2)
 
That's been me lately - speaking without really listening or thinking.  Or, if I don't speak, in my mind I've made UP my mind and I don't have all the facts.  Or I don't know the people I'm talking about or listening about.
 
Or worse.
 
A couple of huge things have happened in the last couple of weeks.  A local church's Pastor is dealing with very serious accusations by some of his parishioners and we have almost all been reeling from the unexpected death of Robin Williams.
 
Both of these stories have me evaluating how I come to conclusions, make decisions and just how much DO I judge others? 
 
Do not judge so that you will not be judged.  For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:1-5)
 
I don't want to rabbit trail about different "judge"ing - this verse speaks to not judging and there is another verse later that speaks to how we ARE to judge but that's a conversation for another day.
 
In this verse, I am not to rush to condemn someone to hell for something they have said or done.  It isn't my job to say whether or not someone is meant for heaven.  That is Jesus' job and His job alone (For not even the Father judges anyone, but He has given all judgment to the Son, John 5:22).  I try to worm in on that and I'm asking for trouble unleashed against me like I can't begin to imagine. 
 
I've let this blog go, not writing, not journaling anywhere near what I used to and while seasons in life are not at all uncommon, some habits shouldn't disappear just because life itself has changed.  I am to draw near to God in all things.  Pray unceasingly and NOT make rash statements or draw hasty conclusions.
 
With all of the "facts" coming to light little by little I need to wait.  Be patient.  Wait on God to reveal things to me - those things He wants me to know.  Love.  And pray. 
 
Always, always pray.



5.10.2014

Mother's Day... again

There are a couple of things I've said dozens, if not hundreds, of times since my mother passed away.  I am not the first person to lose my mother and I won't be the last.  I've also said I knew my mother's death would be hard but I had NO idea what hard really was until she died.

On May 15th it will have been three years since she went home.  It's interesting.  I know exactly where she is but I still refer to it as "losing" my mother and in the three years since she died, I've tried to figure out just what "losing her" is.  Yes, my mother's body died and she is no longer visible here on earth but I know when that happened the true her, the spirit of her, went to be with Jesus and when He returns, she will have a new body and I will know her better than I ever knew her before.

On days like tomorrow I feel my loss in such an acute way that it's a physical pain.  My heart feels like it's being rended in two, from top to bottom and at some point it's going to rupture.  It takes my breath away, stops me in my tracks - literally.  I'm not talking about this in some sort of figurative way - it's physical, the pain of great loss. 

And that's the loss.  That part of you that was a part of them. That part of you who relied on them for an ear, advice, a hug...  It can't be, you can't make a phone call and connect and it's a wound.  An open wound that tries to scar but... another anniversary, a smell, another memory - something... SOMETHING rips it open again.

I know I'm not the only one who will struggle tomorrow.  I know I'm not the only one whose world seems to stop on birthdays, Mother's Day (or Father's Day), other important days...holidays.  The truth is - and this is where I hope I don't sound like a cliche - I will spend tomorrow praying through the day.  I will pray for comfort and grace from God (more grace...after all He's already given...) and the ability to smile and enjoy the new memories.  To be reminded that this is the way of life, that it is hard but He is Sovereign and none of this is too hard for Him.  That He will carry me - and anyone who is hurting and asks - right on through it.  Again.  Because as great as our loss is, His love for us is greater.  There will be a reunion.  This ache, this pain, the tears - they will end.  He will end it in His time.

And so I trust.  I hurt, yes.  I cry, oh yes - a LOT, usually tears that seem as if they'll never stop.  I'll wish for the day to end, the commercials to stop, yes.  But I trust.  Ultimately I trust.  I trust that God knows exactly what He is doing.  That He works ALL things to the good of those who love Him - even when that "good" doesn't feel good (in human terms).  He loves us more than I can ever describe here.

So...there I will rest tomorrow.  At least as much as I possibly can.  And for all of you who are without your mother tomorrow, I pray He comforts you, too - in ways that surprise and overwhelm you.

Be blessed this Mother's Day.  God be with you. 

4.21.2014

What I Learned During Lent

I'm not 100% sure that title is correct but..it works.  It's more like what I was reminded of or re-discovered AND learned during Lent but it just seems the absolute right word eludes me.
 
Lent started March 5th this year and it seemed a bit longer than usual but perhaps that's just because I actually gave up something that was difficult.  I started a little late (March 8th) but that was due to indecisiveness and a wish to give up something God wanted me to give up, not just pick something out of haste to make sure I started on time.
 
On Friday, March 7th, my husband and I were in the middle of this year's first month of counseling training and let me tell you that first speaker?  He was ummmm... difficult to sit through.  I don't mean to be or sound mean because it takes a lot to stand in front of 300 strangers and pour out knowledge to them one hour at a time but that man was boring.  Boring.  Boring as in I almost had to tape my eyes open.  As in I almost fell asleep more times than I can remember counting.  It was hard.
 
And in the middle of those hours I checked Facebook.  Twice.  And not just a random scroll through.  Nope.  A read each post, click on links to articles check.  Twice.  Why is that a big deal?  Because my husband and I paid $410 to take these classes this year.  That's $205 each.  At six sessions that $34.17 a day.  Doesn't seem like much but it's a significant enough number that I didn't want to be ignoring what I was being taught.
 
That's when it struck me.  Facebook was too important to me.  I was spending way too much time checking to see if it was my turn in Words with Friends and other such inane things.  Facebook and I needed a break.  So - that is what I gave up until yesterday.
 
I've signed back on and yes, I've been on it more than I should already but I've been thinking about this all day and honestly?  I am checking it less so far but I pray to continue that.  I'm asking the Holy Spirit to help me resist the dulling lure of Facebook because it does take me away from things I should be doing and actually prefer (like reading books) and keeps me from taking care of things I should take care of (like cleaning house, laundry...and my job) and that is just not good.
 
Above all of that, though, there were some imperative things I was reminded of, learned, discovered... and by imperative I mean draw me closer to God things.  Let me see if I can get them all listed and not forget any.

1.  Sacrifice is hard.  Even small sacrifices and my sacrifice was ridiculously insignificant next to Christ's.

2.  If I don't rely on Christ; keep my eyes on Him, I will fail at everything I try to do on my own.  Always.

3.  I cannot draw close to God if I have my eyeballs glued to a computer screen.

4.  Things happen to people in my life, things I can't control or do anything about.

5.  I love the people in my life.  I love them dearly.  I enjoy knowing what they're doing, how they're feeling, when they're struggling (I don't enjoy THAT they are struggling, though).  It gives me specific ways to pray for them.

6.  Investing in the people in my life is one of the best things I can do to glorify God.  However, investing in them in person is the best way to go about it even though the computer seems somewhat sufficient in some matters.

7.  I would like to take a trip back to Jersey.  Connecting with where I've come from is an ache in my heart that I hope to get rid of and the only way to do that is by heading in that direction.  Need to start planning that one.

8.  Facebook is a fabulous tool but it is only that - a tool.  It is not real, it is not human and it is not intimate.  If my only interaction with someone is through Facebook, I don't really know them.

9.  I love Jesus more than I realized.  I also need Him more than I really knew.

Those are the reasons that have come to mind so far.  If there are more, I'll add them but these nine things have given me a lot to think about.  A lot to use to change my habits. 

Now let's see how I do...

4.18.2014

Good Friday

Easter and the rejoicing of the risen Christ has been my favorite holiday for a long, long time.  However, it took me a very, very long time to understand why today is called "Good" Friday.  If you still don't understand, I encourage you - find a church near you that teaches from the Bible and ONLY from the Bible and ask that question. 

In the meantime, today is a day of deep, deep reflection for me.  Several years ago God brought me to my knees, showing me just how flippant I was being, how ungrateful I showed myself to Him for all Jesus had done for me that Friday so many, many years ago.

In the years since then, I have been brought to my knees by it many times but now in awe.  In goose-bump causing awe and disbelief that He would willingly, lovingly take on the burden of enduring God's wrath so I don't ever have to experience it.  Such love I can't explain, understand or - in the face of all the evidence - ever deny. 

Colossians 2:13-15 states:

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross.


This isn't a trivial thing.  It can feel quite removed, it can seem stupid (God speaks to that, too - see 1 Corinthians 1:17-25) but it is truth.  Life giving, life altering, life saving truth. 

That Good Friday over 2,000 years ago was a day of horror, of unfathomable sadness, terror, mockery, pain, derision and hatred but also a day of humility, love and the first step to glory.  Triumph.  Grace.

On all of that I reflect today and this evening I turn to eager anticipation because the sun will rise on Sunday and I will rejoice because the Son has already risen.  He is risen indeed.


3.15.2014

Worth Reading

Yesterday I read this.  And I fought tears.  Not because Will has Down Syndrome but because that mother doubted she'd be able to love him as he deserved.

What a joy to read she discovered God provides - all we will ever always need.